Tuesday, June 07, 2005
A Lilt in my Step
Today after work, I treated myself. Actually, I did it out of need, but I went a little farther and gave myself something nice. I needed it. I deserved it. I wanted it. I bought two new pairs of shoes...Payless Shoes is our friend. The shoes I was using at work had blown completely out at the bottom, but, after all, I had been wearing them almost constantly for the last four years or so, (stop cringing, I don't wear them to bed!), so I substituted my all-occasion comfy black suede sandals until I could get to the shoe store. Open toed shoes just don't work on truck days where we have almost 200 HUGE boxes to unload, open, record and shelve. I have dropped boxes on my toes today, tripped over things, and stubbed my toes as I never have before, simply because I was wearing the sandals. I counted the minutes until I could clock out and gave myself an extra five minutes on the computer so that I wouldn't appear eager to get out of there, and leaving a cloud of dust behind me, I trekked over to the shoe-store. It didn't take me long as I tend toward shoes that are comfy and "cute" rather than being extremely fashion conscious. Choosing a pair of "old faithful" plain white sneakers, I saw that they were on sale for a whopping 7.99, and decided that a second pair wouldn't hurt. I chose a flat, pointy-toed black and white pump for my "off" days when I could go out with Karim and look like a female. I haven't done that for myself in a long time, and it really felt good to be able to buy TWO pairs of shoes, where normally, I would hesitate at buying ONE.
This brings to mind all the times in my childhood when after receiving a new pair of shoes, I would dance around and "show" everyone..."see my new shoes? Mommy got 'em for me." ("That's nice kid. Go away, I'm busy.") I was always very happy to get a new pair. It didn't matter if they were ugly old tennis shoes or the "red" shoes I always asked for, I loved new shoes all the same.
There's just something about a new pair of shoes that makes us feel as if we are renewed; like we can take a "new" step; start in a "new" direction. I feel a little like that lately. I guess I'm beginning to FEEL the hopefulness I spout about all the time. It's a good feeling. A clean, brand new feeling. It doesn't really hurt all that bad to have to throw away those ratty old black shoes I was wearing before. After all, they didn't do me much good once they started wearing out. The cushion was gone, the soles were split, and the sides were blown out. They were simply hurting my feet more than helping them. There was no more support. Hmm, sounds like I'm about to lead into something, doesn't it? Of course.
It's good for us to let go. Even though those old issues we hold on to for so long seem comfortable to us, they don't really do us any good at all. We don't want to let go of them because we are afraid that we won't get anything better, but what we don't realize by holding on to them, is that they are doing more harm than good. If we live for a grudge, or dwell on the past, we continue to put on a pair of shoes that one day will break down leaving us with no support at all. It is better for us to find healthy new ways of thinking and living that WILL support us, even if it means renewing them now and again just as we need to buy new shoes once in a while. We can't live forever in the same shoes. We can't live forever with the same thought processes. Life changes. We have to change with it. Of course we must keep our morality and dignity intact, but we would NEVER keep our dignity complete if we stayed with an unhappy emotional life.
The last point I want to make is this: I AM THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN CHANGE MY SHOES. No one else WANTS to, nor should anyone else NEED to. I am perfectly capable of changing my own shoes. Likewise, it is up to me how I change my way of thinking and feeling. No one else WANTS to get involved in my issues, nor do I want them to, as there is no need to involve anyone in something they probably wouldn't understand anyhow.
All this having been said, I think that I will enjoy my new shoes, and more so because I have the next two days off! I am going to go lace up my sneakers with the pretty blue flowered ribbon laces I bought to go with them, and dance around silently showing everyone my new shoes. They may not notice them, but they will notice that I am happy, and it might make them wonder what I've been up to...
This brings to mind all the times in my childhood when after receiving a new pair of shoes, I would dance around and "show" everyone..."see my new shoes? Mommy got 'em for me." ("That's nice kid. Go away, I'm busy.") I was always very happy to get a new pair. It didn't matter if they were ugly old tennis shoes or the "red" shoes I always asked for, I loved new shoes all the same.
There's just something about a new pair of shoes that makes us feel as if we are renewed; like we can take a "new" step; start in a "new" direction. I feel a little like that lately. I guess I'm beginning to FEEL the hopefulness I spout about all the time. It's a good feeling. A clean, brand new feeling. It doesn't really hurt all that bad to have to throw away those ratty old black shoes I was wearing before. After all, they didn't do me much good once they started wearing out. The cushion was gone, the soles were split, and the sides were blown out. They were simply hurting my feet more than helping them. There was no more support. Hmm, sounds like I'm about to lead into something, doesn't it? Of course.
It's good for us to let go. Even though those old issues we hold on to for so long seem comfortable to us, they don't really do us any good at all. We don't want to let go of them because we are afraid that we won't get anything better, but what we don't realize by holding on to them, is that they are doing more harm than good. If we live for a grudge, or dwell on the past, we continue to put on a pair of shoes that one day will break down leaving us with no support at all. It is better for us to find healthy new ways of thinking and living that WILL support us, even if it means renewing them now and again just as we need to buy new shoes once in a while. We can't live forever in the same shoes. We can't live forever with the same thought processes. Life changes. We have to change with it. Of course we must keep our morality and dignity intact, but we would NEVER keep our dignity complete if we stayed with an unhappy emotional life.
The last point I want to make is this: I AM THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN CHANGE MY SHOES. No one else WANTS to, nor should anyone else NEED to. I am perfectly capable of changing my own shoes. Likewise, it is up to me how I change my way of thinking and feeling. No one else WANTS to get involved in my issues, nor do I want them to, as there is no need to involve anyone in something they probably wouldn't understand anyhow.
All this having been said, I think that I will enjoy my new shoes, and more so because I have the next two days off! I am going to go lace up my sneakers with the pretty blue flowered ribbon laces I bought to go with them, and dance around silently showing everyone my new shoes. They may not notice them, but they will notice that I am happy, and it might make them wonder what I've been up to...
