Sunday, May 22, 2005
Retail Nightmares
I woke up yesterday morning with the words "Some people will buy ten packages of curtains without opening them, and some people will open ten packages of curtains without buying them", echoing through my brain. I hate work dreams. But, it's true. Whatever I was dreaming about, and I'll lay you odds it was about how frustrating it is when I have to try to figure out how to fold the fitted sheet exactly the way the factory did to get it back into the package after some (dare I say it) IDIOT customer has pulled it, and it's fellow shelf mates out, must have been stressful. However, last night and today at work, I was incensed at the number of cattle that stampeded into the store only to graze wantonly upon whatever they could get their fists upon, leave a huge mess and then depart without so much as a belch. Therefore, my mind was furiously working on a list of "consumer rules" that I wish someone would stamp on everyone's forehead on their way into any retail store.
THINGS THE CONSUMER SHOULD KNOW (or, "How Not to Get Pummeled by the Salesperson on Duty):
1. The customer is not always right. In fact, 99.987 percent of the time, the customer is wrong. Very wrong. And stupid.
2. The sign over the pillows that SAYS "$4.99" usually MEANS "$4.99" when the pillow SCANS at "$4.99".
3. There is a reason why we put curtains and bedding on display. That's so you can see how it looks in action without having to open our packages. Why do you need to open ALL the packages of one item?
4. Don't give your child a "winnie-the-pooh" squishy pillow and a pen. Duh.
5. If your piglet is screaming, take him home. He probably wants to go, anyway.
6. We don't have a bathroom for your child, and the shower curtain aisle isn't one, either.
7. For what reason do you insist on bringing your demon spawn into a bedding and bath store, anyway?
8. When you tell me, "I'm going to have to return everything I bought here in the last three weeks if you can't pull the display down for me right now," I will tell you that you have one and a half more weeks left before the thirty day return policy expires.
9. Insisting vehemently that a non-managerial employee of a retail store fix all of your retail issues, only makes you look insane.
10. I will slap the next person that brings thirty items to the register and says, "could you price all of these things one at a time before I decide whether I want them or not?"
11. Learn how to fold a towel. I'd hate to see your bathroom.
12. Why do you sit in places that are obviously not created to carry your derriere? The curtain rod hooks??? Please.
13. Get a motel room.
14. If I have foam coming from my mouth, don't ask me to get the comforter from the top shelf that is exactly the same style and same size as the comforter you are holding.
15. I am pleasant with pleasant people. If you come in snarling at me because YOU got the wrong size tablecloth and you want to return it, it isn't MY fault, and I'm getting very good at pleasantly putting unpleasant people outside of their happy little comfort zone.
16. A good rule of thumb is, don't shop in a place like Anna's if you haven't got time to think about what color drapes will match your bedspread. I'd hate to see your bedroom.
17. Orange and purple do NOT go together. Don't ask me.
THINGS THE CONSUMER SHOULD KNOW (or, "How Not to Get Pummeled by the Salesperson on Duty):
1. The customer is not always right. In fact, 99.987 percent of the time, the customer is wrong. Very wrong. And stupid.
2. The sign over the pillows that SAYS "$4.99" usually MEANS "$4.99" when the pillow SCANS at "$4.99".
3. There is a reason why we put curtains and bedding on display. That's so you can see how it looks in action without having to open our packages. Why do you need to open ALL the packages of one item?
4. Don't give your child a "winnie-the-pooh" squishy pillow and a pen. Duh.
5. If your piglet is screaming, take him home. He probably wants to go, anyway.
6. We don't have a bathroom for your child, and the shower curtain aisle isn't one, either.
7. For what reason do you insist on bringing your demon spawn into a bedding and bath store, anyway?
8. When you tell me, "I'm going to have to return everything I bought here in the last three weeks if you can't pull the display down for me right now," I will tell you that you have one and a half more weeks left before the thirty day return policy expires.
9. Insisting vehemently that a non-managerial employee of a retail store fix all of your retail issues, only makes you look insane.
10. I will slap the next person that brings thirty items to the register and says, "could you price all of these things one at a time before I decide whether I want them or not?"
11. Learn how to fold a towel. I'd hate to see your bathroom.
12. Why do you sit in places that are obviously not created to carry your derriere? The curtain rod hooks??? Please.
13. Get a motel room.
14. If I have foam coming from my mouth, don't ask me to get the comforter from the top shelf that is exactly the same style and same size as the comforter you are holding.
15. I am pleasant with pleasant people. If you come in snarling at me because YOU got the wrong size tablecloth and you want to return it, it isn't MY fault, and I'm getting very good at pleasantly putting unpleasant people outside of their happy little comfort zone.
16. A good rule of thumb is, don't shop in a place like Anna's if you haven't got time to think about what color drapes will match your bedspread. I'd hate to see your bedroom.
17. Orange and purple do NOT go together. Don't ask me.
Comments:
<< Home
You know it's really hot here in the Philippines especially that my country is tropical and the season is Summer.
Post a Comment
<< Home
