Monday, May 02, 2005
My History
I have decided that it would be good for me to start posting some of the journal entries I have made in the last two and a half years. It is an odd sort of story, one which most people don't understand and find the tool of judgment to be the only way to explain it away. I have learned many lessons in this time period...some which I wish I could have let alone, but many which have shaped me in positive ways. It is my hope that by publishing a few of my entries I can put some of the past in the past and in the end give more to my present and future. Sometimes the words are good, and sometimes they are rather "tragic" (I like drama), and some of them are probably downright shocking. It starts shortly after I have left one man (that I had been married to for nine years) in the Spokane airport crying and waving while my children wept at their grandparents home, and have begun a journey that will take me to my new husband and beyond. Here goes:
In Frankfurt: 11/12/02
I am sitting in the Frankfurt airport with a 14 hour layover before boarding my plane to Alex. 2/3 of my goal is fulfilled--I am almost there--it's just this blasted waiting period . The worst of it is that I am afraid to sleep lest someone pinch my bags and I can't concentrate on my literature. (I was trying to read a book.) Only a few people understand me, but those that do find me pathetic enough to be amusing so I use it to my advantage. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if my carry-on had wheels or if it wasn't so disgustingly heavy. The straps have all broken but one which even now is straining and is jimmy-rigged as it is. My right arm is bruised and gives me the appearance of a heroine addict. I just hope it doesn't get worse.
I am afraid that I will be a complete wreck when I reach Alex and Karim will ship me back to Idaho. My right hand is bruised and swollen from that awful piece of demon luggage so that I cannot wear my ring. I have had to put it on my left ring finger. That could be a good thing until I get to Alex as it might deter the "lonely man" from seeking out the lone female traveler.
Karim may opt to use it as an engagement ring so long as he is not offended by the idea that my mother bought it. I just don't want him to spend money he doesn't have on me.
There is now a huge black lump on my shoulder. I am going to look as if I were physically beaten--I hope Karim doesn't think that B-- did this.
Okay, now I am down to 13 hrs. God! I hope I am not counting seconds like this all day long!!!
8:20am:
I should work on my Arabic words--at least to give me a little jump on the communication gap...(senseless blabber)
I think I shall quote: "When, at the hour of midnight an invisible choir is suddenly heard passing w/exquisite music, w/voices--do not lament your fortune that at last subsides, your life's work that has failed, your schemes that have proved illusions. But, like a man prepared, like a brave man, bid farewell to her, to Alexandria who is departing. Above all, do not delude yourself, do not say it was a dream, that your ear was mistaken. Do not condescend to such empty hopes. Like a man for long prepared, like a brave man, like a man who was worthy of such a city, go to the window firmly and listen with emotion, but not with the prayers & complaints of the coward, (ah, supreme rapture!) listen to the notes, to the exquisite instruments of the mystic choir and bid farewell to her, to Alexandria you are losing!" CP Cavafy, "The God Abandons Anthony".
10:00am
It is strange to me to see couriers going about on bicycles through the terminal.
11:00am
Karim calls me his "fragile lady". I'm beginning to wonder if it's true! My body is not dealing well with this at all!!!
12:40pm
Wow! I have been getting a little sleep. But now I really feel foul!
2:50pm
I am beginning to wonder if this was a dumb thing to do. Will he like me in person the way he does on the phone? I will appear to him as a ragamuffin when I get off that plane & first impressions are everything. I have a little over 6 hours before I board the plane and I am becoming very rummy--I can hardly write--
THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!
3:45
Almost only 5 hrs. left! I am very tired but it is extremely difficult to sleep on this hard seat! This airport is very cold--both in temperature & in aesthetics! It's very "third Reich".
11/13 Midnight (Frankfurt time):
Finally out of that nasty airport! I think we are either over Greece or over the Mediterranean by now. I am thoroughly exhausted and my nerves are shot but my drive & determination are still intact. It's probably a good thing as there is no turning back now.
I met the sweetest old man...He is a 74 year old Winterbird born in Alex but has lived 35 years in LA. He gave me much sound advice on everything from etiquette to diet--even giving me cooking tips. I will probably never see this kind old father again but he blessed me with his wisdom and that is something I shall not forget.
I was so hungry but was afraid to gorge myself when they served the on-flight meal (it had been 16 hrs from the last meal) so I ate only half. My tummy is still churning. I'll get over it!
In Frankfurt: 11/12/02
I am sitting in the Frankfurt airport with a 14 hour layover before boarding my plane to Alex. 2/3 of my goal is fulfilled--I am almost there--it's just this blasted waiting period . The worst of it is that I am afraid to sleep lest someone pinch my bags and I can't concentrate on my literature. (I was trying to read a book.) Only a few people understand me, but those that do find me pathetic enough to be amusing so I use it to my advantage. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if my carry-on had wheels or if it wasn't so disgustingly heavy. The straps have all broken but one which even now is straining and is jimmy-rigged as it is. My right arm is bruised and gives me the appearance of a heroine addict. I just hope it doesn't get worse.
I am afraid that I will be a complete wreck when I reach Alex and Karim will ship me back to Idaho. My right hand is bruised and swollen from that awful piece of demon luggage so that I cannot wear my ring. I have had to put it on my left ring finger. That could be a good thing until I get to Alex as it might deter the "lonely man" from seeking out the lone female traveler.
Karim may opt to use it as an engagement ring so long as he is not offended by the idea that my mother bought it. I just don't want him to spend money he doesn't have on me.
There is now a huge black lump on my shoulder. I am going to look as if I were physically beaten--I hope Karim doesn't think that B-- did this.
Okay, now I am down to 13 hrs. God! I hope I am not counting seconds like this all day long!!!
8:20am:
I should work on my Arabic words--at least to give me a little jump on the communication gap...(senseless blabber)
I think I shall quote: "When, at the hour of midnight an invisible choir is suddenly heard passing w/exquisite music, w/voices--do not lament your fortune that at last subsides, your life's work that has failed, your schemes that have proved illusions. But, like a man prepared, like a brave man, bid farewell to her, to Alexandria who is departing. Above all, do not delude yourself, do not say it was a dream, that your ear was mistaken. Do not condescend to such empty hopes. Like a man for long prepared, like a brave man, like a man who was worthy of such a city, go to the window firmly and listen with emotion, but not with the prayers & complaints of the coward, (ah, supreme rapture!) listen to the notes, to the exquisite instruments of the mystic choir and bid farewell to her, to Alexandria you are losing!" CP Cavafy, "The God Abandons Anthony".
10:00am
It is strange to me to see couriers going about on bicycles through the terminal.
11:00am
Karim calls me his "fragile lady". I'm beginning to wonder if it's true! My body is not dealing well with this at all!!!
12:40pm
Wow! I have been getting a little sleep. But now I really feel foul!
2:50pm
I am beginning to wonder if this was a dumb thing to do. Will he like me in person the way he does on the phone? I will appear to him as a ragamuffin when I get off that plane & first impressions are everything. I have a little over 6 hours before I board the plane and I am becoming very rummy--I can hardly write--
THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!
3:45
Almost only 5 hrs. left! I am very tired but it is extremely difficult to sleep on this hard seat! This airport is very cold--both in temperature & in aesthetics! It's very "third Reich".
11/13 Midnight (Frankfurt time):
Finally out of that nasty airport! I think we are either over Greece or over the Mediterranean by now. I am thoroughly exhausted and my nerves are shot but my drive & determination are still intact. It's probably a good thing as there is no turning back now.
I met the sweetest old man...He is a 74 year old Winterbird born in Alex but has lived 35 years in LA. He gave me much sound advice on everything from etiquette to diet--even giving me cooking tips. I will probably never see this kind old father again but he blessed me with his wisdom and that is something I shall not forget.
I was so hungry but was afraid to gorge myself when they served the on-flight meal (it had been 16 hrs from the last meal) so I ate only half. My tummy is still churning. I'll get over it!
